This here post is inspired by a visit from my big brother. He came to Ohio for a short summer visit last week – all the way from Albuquerque, New Mexico. It was GREAT to see him though it was a shorty-short visit. I got a little bit down after the family gathering on Saturday. This happens to me after every family gathering or visit comes to an end. It’s like I get this vague sense of loss and sorrow, almost like grief and I know it’s irrational but it takes a day or two to shed those feelings.
Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m pretty lucky in the sense that family gatherings and visits are not strained or forced and we all enjoy each other’s company and the comfortable camaraderie of long-standing family ties. BUT, there is no doubt that the airtight bonds that once existed between us are much more loosely structured now. We can go for LONG stretches without a call or any communication beyond sharing photos, videos and random blurbs on Facebook or via e-mail and we rarely seem to really TALK with each other about what’s going on in our lives. We all live and lead very separate lives and we all get VERY busy and caught up in them – which, I think, is pretty common. But who would’ve thought when we were all kids that we would wind up so separated from each other – it would’ve been unthinkable to us. Just as my own kids
This last visit from Fred was a really sweet visit and it was so, so, so good to reconnect with Fred. I think we each spent some good time with him (i.e. he had time alone with Cyndi’s family, Mom and my family). And, we all got to hang out with him and each other on Saturday – minus Cyndi’s’ husband and mine, who both had to work. It was nice being all together except for the large gap caused by the absence of my sister Dee and her family. They live in Atlanta, GA and could not make the trip so it wasn’t a complete reunion of Mom and us kids.
Anyway – I love my mom, my brother and both my sisters very, very much and I’m confident in their love for me. But when any of us finally get together and spend some “face-time” with each other – I wind up feeling the loss of those early bonds very much. It also calls to mind how fleeting the essential nature of the relationship my kids have with each other and with me and Clark is – this time is precious. All too soon they will evolve and change into independent, intelligent young adults with lives of their own. I WANT that for them. It’s what I work for, what all parents work for when they love their children. That being said, I’m sure a large dose of nostalgia will develop alongside the independence we seek to foster in our children. Looooooong sigh.
So, enough on my yen for the past and the repetition of this natural cycle in my own family, I finally put down in writing the feelings I have about the shifting nature of key family relationships. We did, indeed, enjoy our time with Fred. The kids adore him and so do I. I hope he knows how much he means to me. I hope my mom and my sisters know how much they mean to me. I can recall my feelings and memories of each of them through my childhood eyes. I can clearly recapture the sharp, overwhelming love I felt for Mom and the matter-of-fact acknowledgement of love between all of us kids so that, even in the midst of rage or exasperation with one another, it was simply understood that we loved one another. All is well peeps and I acknowledge my blessings.
I also culled some footage together from Fred’s visit and the Saturday “cookout” to create a video record of this visit – I’m quite pleased with how it turned out too! You can view it on my ColorMeKooky YouTube channel here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ie9Wrs8D2rc&feature=plcp
Cherish your family peeps – with all your might ;-)
